Trickster's heart, hunter's tear
by Lhaewiel
Summary: "Gabriel smirks, his arms crossed on his chest. The room he finds himself in right now is not entirely unexpected - figure out an abandoned warehouse full of symbols and sigils and in front of him Dean Winchester in flesh and bones." Introspective missing moment placed somewhere in SPN.
1. Chapter 1

N/A: hello, long time no see. Well, this suddenly came to my mind as both an experiment to start writing again and because of OTP feels and because something like that had been in my mind since quite some time, but I missed the right pairing. And Debriel seemed to me the ideal for this. Also, there might be a couple of headcanons of mine, so please, forgive me. Forgive me also for inaccuracy, I've just started rewatching SPN from S01 only in this period. Other than that, I hope you'll enjoy this. Oh, yeah, I was listening to Nightwish, don't mind that too much. Also, I might write a sequel to this, because I like too much happy endings.

 **Chapter 1 – Trickster's heart, hunter's tear**

 _Why am I loved only when I'm gone_

 _Gone back in time to bless the child._

 _Nightwish - Bless the child_

\- Deano, what a surprise.

Gabriel smirks, his arms crossed on his chest. The room he finds himself in right now is not entirely unexpected - figure out an abandoned warehouse full of symbols and sigils and in front of him Dean Winchester in flesh and bones. And much more that at the moment the archangel can ignore.

The hunter looks so serious, worried, Gabriel can't help but laugh. Suddenly Dean speaks.

\- That's serious matter, I had to go through stuff I did not really like to get to you.

In fact, as Gabriel notices, the whole place is filled with everything is needed to summon a pagan god. He shakes his head with visible sarcasm in his expression. The tone he uses towards Dean matches perfectly that sarcasm.

\- So, you summoned me just like you would summon a pagan god.

He makes a pause.

\- Would you like to speak with the Trickster or with the Archangel?

It's Dean's turn to smirk, while he shows a stake imbibed with a trickster's victim's blood in one hand and an archangel blade in the other.

\- I am fine with either, Gabe.

\- And here I thought our little chat would be nice this time.

\- I don't trust you.

\- Oh, _you don't_? 'Cause last time it seemed that you _wanted_ to trust me _too much_.

They keep bantering like that for some time until silence falls like a barrier between the two. The first one who speaks again, however, is Gabriel. He has been summoned after all.

\- So, you summoned me in the end. What do you want from me?

Dean stays in silence for some more minutes, it seems that he did not expect Gabriel to come directly to the point. _Better_ , the hunter thinks, _leaves out unnecessary stuff_. He clears his voice and says:

\- I want your help. I need it.

Straight to the point as well. Gabriel squints his eyes, before bursting out in a loud laughter. He points a finger at Dean.

\- I have to tell you, this is the best joke I've ever heard. You might have been a very good humourist.

\- This is no joke, Gabe, fuck!

\- What, _Cassie dear can't help this time?_

The sarcastic tone the archangel is using is full of bitterness and hurts Dean in a way that the hunter suddenly jumps at his throat wielding against his chest both the stake and the blade, but he does not hit the other. Everything falls back to silence, Dean and his anger and Gabriel and his surprise are now quite visible.

And this time it's Dean speaking, rage clear in his voice.

\- Don't. Ever. Speak. Like. That. Anymore.

Gabriel takes in a deep breath, then slowly steps back. He looks at Dean, this time he is the one to be hurt, even though he doesn't want to show it. He raises up his hands.

\- So this is the game you want to play.

He pauses.

\- Allright, I'll play along with you, but it won't be nice.

\- Stop going around and come to the point.

\- _As you wish_.

Dean catches the venomous tone underneath the apparent quietness. It's the calm before the storm.

\- You say you _need_ my help, you _want_ my help. Well, my answer is I will not help you anymore.

\- You have no right to say that.

This time is Gabriel who lets out all his anger. He throws Dean against the nearest wall, the stake and the blade thrown at the angles of the warehouse, clutches the collar of his jacket and shouts at the top of his lungs.

\- I have no right you say? I have all the rights, Dean Winchester!

He takes in a deep breath, calming down, then speaks more quietly, but still with bitterness and anger hidden under that layer.

\- I have all the rights, you dumb fucker.

\- Why would you have the right to not help me?

Dean weakly tries to reply.

\- Because I have never blackmailed you or your brother like Castiel did - or have you forgotten the "I am the one who raised you from perdition and you will do as I wish" thing?

\- You don't know what you're saying.

\- _I don't_? I do know what I'm saying too well.

Gabriel lets out a bitter laughter.

\- Why do you think Castiel is crazy? Because you and I had already a bond ever since Starla and the purple nurple-

\- That happened years ago!

\- But it happened a lot before any of my brothers came into the picture. And I might have forgotten I was an angel, but I felt it. And then I did not feel it anymore and I realised it was broken when I finally remembered, in TV Land, that I was Gabriel, the archangel.

He steps back, then clutches his own hands into fists.

\- You say I don't know what I'm saying? I know. _Castiel broke the bond we had_ \- call it that sort of messed up relationship made up of banterings and mutual respect - that's why he's crazy. No angel forces a bond, or they'll become crazy.

\- You lie.

\- Try me.

Silence falls again. It's Gabriel again who breaks the unnatural wall they both have raised.

\- And nevertheless I tried helping both you and Sam, in my crazy and distorted way. The first time I offered you a deal. Let me go. I will not hurt you and the ones you love. The second time I tried helping Sam dealing with your death, which would have happened several months later. And in the end I even gave up my life. For you, overcoming the fact that I could not kill my brother, just like you can't kill yours.

He raises up a hand. Breathes deeply, as if telling Dean all that has cost him quite a lot. Which is truue, but Gabriel ignores the detail.

\- I did not want to say all this, but you have forced me. Now you deal with it.

\- You're just trying to make me feel even more guilty.

\- It hurts me more than you think.

\- Liar.

Gabriel does not reply, not immediately. Liar, that word, is too much for him to take. He speaks again, the truth is clear.

\- You're the only one I've never lied to. You're the only one I've never betrayed.

 _Unlike Castiel_ , he thinks, but he keeps that for himself.

Now the archangel's tone is sad, still, it keeps its anger.

Dean seems to be thinking. Then something comes to his mind. It seems impossible, but for Dean it may be the only plausible explanation for Gabriel's behaviour. He hesitates, but the words come out anyway.

\- You love me?

Gabriel lets out another bitter laughter.

\- I loved you. Now I am not sure of that anymore.

\- Why?

\- I am tired of being hurt by the ones I love. I am tired of having to demonstrate something all the time.

He makes a pause.

\- I will not help you, Dean, not this time. Unless something changes my mind, which I think it will be impossible.

Dean now is sure he has been hit so hard he doesn't even have words to reply with.

\- Gabe...

He tries. The archangel shuts him up.

\- Don't. Don't say anything, because I don't want to hear you right now.

Gabriel does not want to be hurt anymore.

\- I've already decided. At the moment this is a farewell. I told you that playing this game with me would not be nice.

Without further words Gabriel leaves.

Dean knows that Gabriel has all the rights to leave and he does not try to stop him. When Gabriel's presence is already far away, all that Dean is left with is emptiness, once again. When he reaches the Impala, outside, he shakes his head at Sam's perplexed look. When Castiel gets closer, he pushes him away without a word, glancing at him in such a way that for a moment it seems both to the angel and to Sam that Dean might loathe Castiel. The hunter finally gets on the Impala.

\- Hey, what's up with you?

Sam asks, he is worried, he does not imagine what has happened.

\- I'm going to raid a bar. Don't look out for me.

It's the laconic answer Dean gives Sam, before starting the car and leaving to an unknown location. Sam just shakes his head and looks at Castiel, who knows for sure, he can tell that by the guilty look on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

N/A: and here's the second part. Might or might not keep writing this. Again, this is an experiment for me to go back to serious writing. As I had set out the previous chapter this was the only outcome I could think of. It's unbetaed, so constructive critiques are welcome. I hope you'll like this anyway. As said there are a few ofmy headcanons here.

 **Chapter 2 – Hunter's tear, Angel's lie**

 _No healing hand_  
For your diseasethe room where he  
Drinking scorn like water  
Cascading with my tears  
 _ **Nightwish**_ _\- Two for Tragedy_

Sam finally finds Dean - needless to say, he's lying on the counter of a bar in a nearly unknown town in Arizona. Last time they were in Colorado, Dean must have driven like a madman.  
Sam shakes his head, then places a hand on his brother's shoulder, just to check whether he's still alive or not, because it does seem that his older brother has drank everything on sight and beyond. He silently questions the bartender raising up a brow, who replies with a vague gesture and a sneer.  
\- He would've drank also the water of the Mississippi. Never stopped blabbering about angels, lies and bullshit like that.  
Sam simply nods, mentally trying to come up with a good excuse to get out of the place assoon as possible.  
\- Sure, when he's like this he's on another planet, really.  
He comments with sarcasm, trying to make a joke out of a tragic situation to not make the bartender think Dean is nuts.  
Well, Dean right now might be completely crazy, but that's not relevant at the moment.  
Before they leave the bartender asks Sam to pay for whatever drinks Dean has consumed, whose amount in dollars is equal to everything Sam has into his wallet, but he does not say anything. He will have time for that as well, time to make Dean pay for that as well.  
Anyway, he manages to bring back home his drunken brother, in some way, then makes him lie on the first comfortable thing he finds, a couch, then leaves, warning Castiel not to go near him right in that moment. The angel does not understand - he actually has not understood anything ever since Dean has come out from that warehouse - But he nods anyway.  
Castiel actually has had a doubt, regarding the so-called pagan god Dean has summoned, but he does not say anything. He will wait for Dean to tell him everything.  
When Dean finally wakes up, he feels as if he has been hit by a train, or something close to that. He is dizzy, his head hurts like all Hell is battling inside it. He stumbles in the room where he hears Sam speaking. Luckily or not, according to the points of view, there is also Castiel, who is trying to help translating a manuscript. Dean knows he has to speak with him, but he waits to be completely sober. Maybe that's not the time to drown everything in alcohol.  
Castiel waits, even though impatience is clear. Dean keeps shutting his mouth and Sam can feel something bad is rising. Something has happened in that warehouse, but nothing is leaking out.  
When finally Dean feels sober enough, he strikes a quite eloquent look to Sam, who mutters something about constipated older brothers, then leaves, taking his laptop with him.  
When both the hunter and the angel are sure they are completely alone, then everything can start.  
Paradoxically it's Dean who speaks first.  
\- So. You are still missing some Fridays.  
\- I assume it is your way of telling me I still lack my mental sanity.  
The hunter nods.  
\- That's it.  
\- I admit I... Still have moments of insanity.  
\- Good, that's true.  
\- I don't understand your point, Dean.  
The hunter stops for a second. Then starts again.  
\- You see, you lie to me a lot, that's my point.  
\- I don't lie to you.  
Suddenly the echo of Gabriel's words, his look, come to Dean's mind, suddenly they get compared to Castiel's blank stare. Dean stands up, then starts pacing across the room, like a tiger around its prey.  
\- That's a lie, Cas. That's a lie. You lie to me.  
\- You have told me once that sometimes humans lie to get what they want.  
\- This doesn't involve feelings. You don't lie to your buddies.  
Dean snarks out, his patience getting shorter and shorter at every minute.  
\- This doesn't involve betrayals. You don't betray your buddies.  
For a moment Castiel seems to know what Dean is referring to, but he denies once again.  
\- I don't understand, Dean.  
\- Okay.  
Dean's voice now has got threat in it.  
\- Let's put things in a different way. You never lie, or betray what you see as family.  
\- I don't lie, or betray my family.  
Dean is losing his patience and the tone he uses for his next sentence is plainly sarcastic.  
\- Oh, you don't?  
He slams his hands on the table and suddenly snarks out:  
\- You know, I learned a brand new thing about you angels.  
\- Where?  
\- This does not concern you.  
He cuts off the angel sharply.  
\- Anyway. I learned that you angels form bonds if you love someone, but that's not the new thing, considering how much you've been going on with the "profound bond" and everything.  
Castiel's eyes get suspicious. The angel realises something he has never taken into account. He realises he _knows_ what Dean is referring to. He realises _Dean knows_ he knows.  
\- The new thing is that if you angels force your bonds on another bond like that, you just become crazy. And start doing crazy stuff. Does this ring a bell to you?  
The angel denies once again. It cannot be, Dean is not supposed to know this. Unless something has happened. His thought goes back to the warehouse. What if Dean never summoned a pagan god, but something else? His voice shakes very lightly when he speaks again.  
\- _No, Dean_.  
\- _Do not lie to me_.  
The hunter's voice is full of rage he barely can contain. Dean knows Castiel is lying for certain. He feels it.  
\- You knew I had a "profound bond" with someone else, who realised we had one only before his so-called death.  
He doesn't want to say Gabriel's name out loud. It would be too much.  
\- You knew.  
\- I do not know what you are talking about.  
\- Don't. Lie. To. Me.  
Dean finally shouts.  
\- You knew.  
He adds in a quieter voice, but still full of resentment. That just confirms everything Gabriel has told him in that warehouse. Castiel has no choice in that moment.  
\- Yes, I knew.  
\- Finally, you said one thing that was true.  
He turns his back, then walks out of the room, intending to go outside. He brings with him a few things, then, at Sam's question, he just replies briefly that he will be out for some time. Sam tries to stop him, tries to say a quick "I'm coming with you", but Dean shakes his head. That is stuff he has to solve by himself, for everyone's sake.

He goes back to the warehouse and summons again Gabriel, who, as soon as he has understood it's Dean, he replies in a venomous tone.  
\- I thought I had already given my farewell, Deano. You're persistent.  
Dean rolls up his eyes.  
\- Look, I'm not here to argue.  
\- That's rich coming from you.  
Dean resists the urge to punch the nearest thing to him.  
\- Fuck, Gabe, can't I have a nice chat for once?  
\- Give me your definition of a "nice chat".  
The hunter lets every weapon he has fall on the floor, then raises up his hands.  
\- I just wanted to say, for once, you were right. You were right on everything.  
That has meant for Dean putting aside his own pride. Gabriel notices that. In a certain way he appreciates it, but he doesn't show it.  
\- And I guess you are sorry for whatever you made me suffer? You think a simple apology will do?  
Gabriel adds, half perplexed and half pissed off. Dean shakes his head.  
\- C'mon, man, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not good at this stuff, give me a bone to pick.  
Gabriel tilts his head, squints his eyes, as if trying to read what Dean has in mind. Once he knows he is completely sincere, he sighs.  
\- Damn you, Winchester. Allright, shoot.  
Dean nods. He tries to find the words.  
\- This... This bond thing... This is too complicated for me. But I understand it's important and I don't like it where we are right now.  
\- Have you spoken with my brother?  
\- Yes.  
\- Then?  
\- I want to know if there is something to fix everything. To fix us two. You and me, I mean.  
\- What about Cassie dear?  
\- He'll stay in his own troubles. I want to fix you and me. No matter what we'll start again as.  
Gabriel can feel every single emotion coming from Dean. He knows the hunter is sincere, he knows there's the need to do something quckly. He sighs again.  
\- Allright, I'll see what we can do. But don't ask me further for now.  
\- Gabe-  
The archangel shuts Dean up - one would say that "cut off" fits more than "shut up", but that is not relevant. Then he vanishes, leaving Dean with a bitter taste in his mouth. The hunter just shakes his head. He knows Gabriel is hurt, but he doesn't know what else to do.  
All he can do is waiting. And he doesn't like it.  
All he does, at the moment, is taking the Impala and drive off into the nearest motel. He needs to think up. To really think up about this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes:**

And finally the last chapter of this fic. I have read, reread and thought out of a good finale, but as I had set the other two chapters this was maybe the only outcome. Other than of course more angst, but I'm not that sadic yet. So yeah, sorry for mistakes and everything, it's unbetaed. If you see OOC just let me know. Enjoy.

Angel's lie, Archangel's truth

Minne katosivat muut  
Suon noidat, neidontornit  
Ja varjoissa havisevat puut  
Kielon istutin ikihankeen  
Ja hiljaisuuden tultua luotin tulevaan

 _ **Nightwish**_ _\- Erämaan viimeinen_

\- What the hell is wrong with you, now?  
This is Sam, again, who is asking this exact question for the fifteenth time in a day. Seriously, he's tired of Dean not being there and Castiel just pacing back and forth into the room wanting to say something and failing miserably - he just looks like a poor unfortunate soul. The angel again does not reply, pacing out of the room as fast as he can to not come back, leaving Sam unable to say anything. The latter, by that point, just shakes his head and picks up his phone, maybe he'll finally manage to reach to Dean.

In the meanwhile, in a room of a shabby motel, somewhere in Michigan, Dean lies on his bed, alone, trying to figure out stuff. He has been ignoring the phone, he knows already it's Sam, but he won't be answering anytime soon. He stands up, then sighs, tired of just not being able to cope with the whole situation. He just raises up his hands.  
\- Man, I don't know what to do, just give me a sign!  
He exclaims in exasperation.  
And the sign comes. Maybe not in the way he was hoping, but the sign comes.  
\- You know, Deano, it's like the story of the zen cat sleeping by the chimney. You pick it up, scroll it, pull its tail, annoy it until the cat gets really angry and hurts you. And you're even surprised, like, "zen cat my ass, it hurt me, fuck".  
Gabriel has appeared and the hunter is now looking at the archangel in utter confusion.  
\- The question is, you could have avoided the fact that the cat hurt you, you just need to think of a very simple question: how can I avoid to be hurt twice by the angry cat and calm it down?  
The archangel sits down on a chair, then crosses his arms, raising a brow. Dean keeps looking at him as if he had just met a ghost. Gabriel just sighs.  
\- At least pretend to have understood what I have said.  
\- You mind giving me a break, or some hint?  
Dean feels his patience getting short.  
\- I've given you too many hints already, dumbass.  
Gabriel's patience is also getting shorter and shorter and now there are only two possible outcomes.  
Either they both calm down and talk like adults, or they argue and everything ends badly.  
 _\- Oh, sorry, Mr. Hey-you-out-of-my-fucking-cloud, I will do my best next time.  
\- Oh, maybe you did not understand well my language, Little-fucking-dumb-snowflake._  
Their tone is sarcastic, they mean to hurt each other - because they're both oh-so-much-adults. Tension rises up, Dean reaches for the archangel blade and Gabriel is ready to snap the hunter somewhere else.  
And then nothing happens.  
Apparently they have decided to finally act like grown up people. They both relax.  
\- So, what was that zen cat crap-thing?  
\- It was a metaphor for life, Dean.  
\- Speak in words I can understand, Gabe.  
\- Oh, sure. Because _you're not clever enough_ , apparently.  
\- I never said that, _asshole_.  
\- I think I'll start calling you Kronk.  
\- Ha-ha, so funny, Yzma. Now that you've pulled out your beloved sarcastic crap, why don't we talk about serious matters?  
\- You've done a lot of thinking, if you jump immediately to that.  
\- You know, talking with you is just like clapping with only one hand sometimes.  
They both pause, a barrier of silence falls between them again. And then it is again Dean breaking the ice. They need to start somewhere if they want to solve everything.  
\- I've thought a lot about this whole thing.  
\- You did?  
Gabriel can't help but ask. Because he might be angry, he might be on the verge of sending Dean somewhere around Asgard, but he is naturally curious. Like, genuinely curious. This time it's Gabriel asking questions.  
\- What did you sort out while I was sorting out stuff myself?  
Dean looks at him with a bit of suspicion in his eyes, but he guesses that's the abrupt way the conversation has to start. He takes a few more moments, before speaking again.  
\- Speaking with Cas only confirmed your words.  
Gabriel sneers.  
\- _Of course_. I only speak the truth.  
\- Yeah, yeah, okay. Let's go on.  
That's no easy stuff and the archangel is not even willing to try and make it more simple. He just waits, until Dean has said everything.  
\- It came down on me everything, as if this current situation was not enough and I don't like it. I can more or less figure how are you now.  
Gabriel sighs, nearly exasperated.  
\- You've made that point clear.  
Dean lets out a quite pissed off noise, but for peace's sake he keeps his patience.  
\- _I. Know._ I want to go back from scratch, from where we started.  
\- And here's where I step into the picture.  
The archangel completes the sentence. Dean simply nods. Gabriel, then, sits down on the nearest chair. It's now his turn to speak up.  
\- It's not easy. Going back to point zero. We know each other. We know how we think. We know everything about each other in so much detail it's frightening. It would be easier if all of this could be erased.  
\- You can't?  
\- I have limits I've given myself to not become like Michael, or Lucifer.  
Dean is utterly surprised.  
\- I didn't know that. Why?  
Gabriel stops. He's not sure if he wants to say that. But that's something that maybe could make them start again.  
\- I could be the most powerful archangel, because in my head there's the whole Heavenly Library.  
\- How do-  
Dean can't believe it. Gabriel shakes his head.  
\- How do you think I knew how to trap back my brother in the Cage? It's not like Daddy dear tells you anything, you have to discover stuff by yourself and learn it by yourself.  
Now it's more credible. More sincere. At least to Dean.  
\- You could wipe out Metatron and everyone else.  
\- I could. But I won't.  
\- Why?  
\- Because I have limits.  
\- Can't you lift up those limits?  
Gabriel stays silent. He doesn't want to reply.  
\- Gabe, you could do a lot of stuff. You could stop everything only by raising your hand. Why do you always leave me to figure out your hints?  
Gabriel has been biting his lips so hard that blood is now coming out. He doesn't want to reply to that, but the words come out anyway.  
\- Because I believe in you. Because you are better than what you think. Because I started hoping again thanks to you. Because-  
He realises what he's about to say. He stops. Dean now completes his sentence.  
\- Because you love me.  
\- _I loved you_.  
Gabriel replies harshly. The hunter shakes his head.  
\- You lot are horrible liars.  
\- I know.  
Well, not exactly going back to scratch, but at least something has come out. Dean knows Gabriel has been completely transparent so far. Like always. He sighs softly. He doesn't know if he feels the same, but after everything Castiel has confirmed him, he feels that he wants Gabriel to be allright. Completely. Again he feels guilty, because maybe it was also his own fault that the bond Gabriel and him had broke. He raises up his head, meeting up with Gabriel's gaze. The archangel, from his part, still looks embittered.  
\- I don't want you to do anything out of guilt.  
This is the first thing Gabriel tells him, before the hunter has the chance to speak. The latter nods.  
\- You're right. But it's hard.  
\- You don't love me.  
For a single moment Dean seems to hear that sad, deluded and broken tone of someone whose heart has been crushed too many times already and had only one tiny hope to hang onto. He feels his own heart in knots.  
\- I like you. I don't know if I love you or not yet, but I like you.  
\- Like is different from love.  
\- But it's a starter. Come on, man, I suck at cheeky stuff and we've been having this girlish talk for far too much time.  
Gabriel, at this point, tries not to laugh. That's exactly Dean Winchester. Then he fails miserably, because he bursts out in laughter. Dean snaps.  
\- What's so funny now, fuck.  
The archangel stops slowly.  
\- Oh, nothing.  
He then smirks, or smiles, according to the pointts of view.  
\- Let's say that at the moment you've calmed down the angry zen cat.  
\- The angry zen cat?  
\- Your metaphor for life, Deano.  
\- Ha-ha, very funny. Now?  
Gabriel shakes his head.  
\- Now you go home, calm down Sam, kick in the buttocks Cassie dear for me. You'll hear from me.  
Dean doesn't even have the time to reply, that Gabriel has vanished. He curses, muttering "zen cat my ass", then goes back home. Sam is happy to see his brother alive, Castiel gets a cold, eloquent glance.

One week later Dean finds on his bed some lilies and a sleeping cat. On the pillow there's a note. Dean opens it. It's from Gabriel. Dean curses. The note reads, in elegant handwriting: "Liking is a starter. You said it. This time I'm going for a more human way. Oh, the cat's name is Loki. Keep it. It's your metaphor for life. Gabe."  
Sam inevitably hears the "metaphor my ass" Dean screams and when he steps into the bedroom he sees his brother trying to keep down a pissed off cat that has been woken up too harshly and now it's hissing and scratching everything on sight. Dean looks really pissed off as well.  
\- Um... Dean?  
\- That fucker knows I'm allergic to cats! I swear I'm going to kill him!  
\- Who?  
\- Gabriel! You even ask!  
Sam has to use all his willpower to not laugh at Dean. Now he realises, indirectly, what had been going on during the past days. And that makes him laugh anyway.  
\- You'll have to explain me some stuff.  
\- Yeah, sure, now take this hellish beast off me, Sammy.  
And while Sam complies, Dean uncertainly starts explaining. At least Sam might have the right to know.


End file.
